Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
