naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i dont even know how to be here
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
