I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
