weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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