Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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