I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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