i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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