cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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