I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
