dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
