he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
