just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
