well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
