people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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