she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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