Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
