my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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