6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
