Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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