Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
