I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
