there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
