she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
