Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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