lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
