areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
