Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
