Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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