I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
