I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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