omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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