When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
