and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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