i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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