His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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