69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
