In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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