Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
