I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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