I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
