just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
