Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
