she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
