miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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