Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
