I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I smell stomach acid.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
