There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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