that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
