My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
well you can't waste a boner
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
