Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
