he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
