I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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