so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
