I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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