Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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