update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
