I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
