Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
