I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
