the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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