why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
