Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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