3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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