I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
