it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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