We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
