christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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