I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
