good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize