so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
