Apparently you make a good broom.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
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They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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