? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
