I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
