beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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