I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize