you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
