this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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