i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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