I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
