I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
