i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
