i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
