I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
