It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So. Much. Porn.
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